I wish to be kinder....

Every so often, one is struck by an epiphany. It could be whilst you're going for a run, enjoying a lazy, after-work drink, soaking in the bath. Or it could be simply the passing of time, when age softens your edges and experience jolts you into the realization that it is not the things you do, but how you make others feel that really matters.

I'm not big on regrets, but that is not to say that I do not reflect on the mistakes I have made, for otherwise how does one become a better person? I guess I am simply unwilling to dwell on things I cannot change, which is a pragmatic mantra to live by, but it also means I run the danger of charging onwards and upwards without the ability to see what I have left by the wayside.

Recently I have found myself reflecting on the things I have achieved, the paths I have taken to get there, and the basis upon which I had made those goals to begin with. And sure, I could applaud myself, as there is little I have aimed for which I have to attained, but if I am honest with myself, then there are things I would have done differently, which I suppose could translate into "having regrets".

I wish I had not been young, selfish and self-absorbed, so I could have spent more time with my father before he passed away. Yet I fear that if I dwell on this regret, I will fall apart and will never pull myself together again. So I write about him, and in doing so, I hope I am making up for a missed opportunity.

I wish I had not been young, self-absorbed and overly-ambitious, so that I had gotten to know more people at a deeper level . If I had not gained the job I wanted, but had ended up with more people I cared about, perhaps it would all be worth it.

I wish my friends and family knew that despite an outwardly abrasive and tough-as-nails exterior, I do get ruffled, and I miss them when they're not with me. I realize now, that you can only be fearful when you know what you stand to lose, and if I was never fearful before, it was because I was a fool.

I wish I wasn't so stubborn, so I would be nicer to my mother, because kindness is free and is worth more than all the education in the world.

The other things I'm not big on is wishing, because the only way things happen is if you make them happen. So I'll stop wishing and start doing, and I will be kinder to those around me, and it is my greatest hope that in time, I will no longer have to bury my regrets, because I will not have any.

In the spirit of love and kindness, this is a warming dish that requires time and patience, but if you make it to the end, it is utterly rewarding.

Braised Pork Neck & Red Cabbage

500 gm pork neck, cut in 3 pieces

5 cloves garlic, sliced

5 eschalots, sliced

5 slices ginger

3 star anise

8 cloves

10 black peppercorns

2 cinnamon quills

7 tablespoons yellow rock sugar

6 tablespoons dark soy sauce

800ml chicken stock

2 shallots, sliced thickly

6 dried shiitake mushrooms (rehydrate in water for 20 min, remove stalks)

1/4 red cabbage, sliced

DIRECTIONS

Marinate pork in 1 tblspoon sea salt, 1 tblspoon sugar and 2 tblspoons dark soy for at least an hour. Heat some oil in a casserole, then brown pork pieces. Add eschalots, ginger and garlic and fry for 1 min. Add stock, and spices. Bring to a boil, lower heat and simmer for 1.5-2 hours. Then add mushrooms, shallots and cabbage and simmer for another 30 min.